the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
