she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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