You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
