forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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