I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize