my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
