So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
