Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize