Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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