Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
