i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
