There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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