well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Drunk walkin through police station. America
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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