it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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