ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
