it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
