I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
