U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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