he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize