If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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