How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
