Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
