Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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