Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
