hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
now i know why i became what i already was.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
