Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
