Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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