I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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