That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
