Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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