I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
