Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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