Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
how do you play pong handcuffed?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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