I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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