if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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