Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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