Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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