i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Life is so much better after having sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
