Have you finally orgasmed yet?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
