You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize