i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
