im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
