Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
