At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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