I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
