I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
