If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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