Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
