I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
