Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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