last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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