you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
