NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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