Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
