Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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