Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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