Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
