Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize