Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
